Back to my jealousy problem. Yesterday, I finished writing a short piece about how I felt about the death of Betty Friedan. I made the bold move of submitting it to the Op-Ed page of the New York Times. I knew that the big issue was time and Judy Warner–author of Perfect Madness, the book about “opting out” and how American society needs to change so mothers can work part-time–who has been a guest columnist for the Times on their website.Well, this morning, there’s Judy’s piece on Betty Friedan. While it is good, and it brings up very relevant issues, it pisses me off. The main reason it pisses me off is a combination of jealousy and disbelief. A) I wish I was the writer the Times wanted to publish in the wake of Betty Friedan’s death. But more significantly, B) I cannot believe that Judy Warner attended the same school that I did, lived in New York in the 1970’s, was raised in the hotbed of the women’s movement, and writes that she didn’t encounter Betty Friedan until 1986 in college.
That makes me insane.
I decided that I would have to succumb to the man and sign up for Times Select, the fucking special features only online crap launched by the Times, and read Judy’s blog. It’s pretty good. The comments are excellent, v. interesting. She’s good, but is in a constant state of saying what needs to be done with no thought on how to do them. She’s also a bit overly influenced by her years in France. That being said, it is obvious that if I had read this blog before, I would have written a different piece. It’s also obvious that Judy’s success, while good for feminism (I think), makes my blood boil.
And that it the price of “opting out.” My jealousy. No one EVER talks about that. In all the debates and discussions, no one ever says, “I had no idea I would feel so jealous of the achievements of other women, colleagues and friends, even, when I decided to forgeo the endless insanity of being a two-career family. How can I keep this jealousy from killing me? How can women handle this unacceptable pain? How can we be good feminists when we know this secret is poisoning us inside?”
Is that a good topic? Has Judy already covered it? Help me find out–if she hasn’t, I’m going to try to beat her to the punch.
I’m also going to figure out how to contact her personally, so I can ask her how she could have been so ignorant? I am not above pointing it out to her and using my “older girl” mojo on her. It actually gauls me (pun intended).
Comments 1
People get jealous. It’s life.
I hate jealousy too. I’m always jealous about other people’s kids. If I don’t like my own personal stuff, I can work to change it. But my kids? How much control do I have over their raw little personalities at this point? Not much.
We’re all insecure. Guys too. Men don’t get all worked up over it–they just work harder and harrass they’re wives and kids to be more perfect, more in line with what kind of life they want, more of the life of the guys they’re jealous of. And their families grow to hate them.
I want to stop internalizing all this and not care anymore about it. I think it’s easier to be in a “no jealousy” place when there’s no injustice; when I have some control. It’s easier to be in a “no jealousy” zone for me, when I’m in my personal passion zone, doing what I love to do. Screw ‘em if they can’t take it.
Being jealous of other women is normal because we’re of the same sex. For a while, I was really jealous of men–for uh–their equipment. But, I’m not anymore.
Which is a good thing, I guess.
So, I guess if I was more secure about the future of my kids (which I don’t have much control over) I’d be less jealous. But then again, I’d probably be one of those annoying plaster of Paris saint people that others would be jealous of…
And I’d really hate that.
Keep writing girl. You are the best.
Posted 10 Mar 2006 at 9:25 am ¶Post a Comment