prematurely grey

I’ll admit it–I’ve been all over the place the last couple of weeks. I haven’t posted anything on this site for over a week because every time I think, “Here it is, my grand pronouncement on Blabbedy Blah,” HOLY SHIT, INCOMING!

Don’t you think it’s been like M*A*S*H* lately? Like we’re all exhausted, frozen and still operating on American soldiers, South Korean orphans, and the occasional cross-dresser? I have no idea what was happening two weeks ago, except that it sucked for Obama and made me stop watching Olbermann.

In other words, the past two weeks have been a blur.

Or, maybe more like a comic.

Ka-Pow! The economy actually melted down.

Wham! The United States Congress had something it actually had to accomplish.

Whahhh? McCain suspended his campaign?

Huh? He wasn’t going to go to Mississippi and debate?

Screeeech! McCain and Obama had to go to the White House but the deal cratered?

Whoa! They had a debate and Obama looked a whole lot less scary than the white guy?

Pow! The bailout failed.

Remember that? Last Monday, the bailout failed to pass in House. The House Republican staged this mysterious revolt (mysterious to all those who hadn’t watched Newt Gingrinch talk about how bad the bailout was on Little Georgie S.’s show the day before) and the bailout died.

Cats and dogs, living together! Barney Frank to America’s rescue! All in the middle of Rosh Hashanah!

Then ultimate sign of the Apocalypse: Dow drops 777. If only it had been 666. Then we’d just be dead and we wouldn’t have to keep track of all this shit. But it was 777, which must have a lot of meaning for a lot of crackpots easily accessible to me via the amazing crackpot-finding machine here at my fingertips. But I was too busy watching the Youtube of the Princeton Economics Department’s forum on the meltdown and trying to figure out just how completely stupid Nancy Pelosi actually is to waste precious time tracking down those particular pots.

Meanwhile, we’re all having this serious drooling problem, reminiscent of the SNL sketch with the drool buckets, because it turns out KATIE COURIC IS THE SAVIOR! She’s the one, the redeemer. Who’da thunk it? Sarah Palin can’t answer questions. She just can’t. She doesn’t remember what she reads. She doesn’t remember Supreme Court decisions. She doesn’t know shit.

(Here’s where maybe, just maybe, the fact that she’s got a SIX MONTH OLD BABY MIGHT EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM. But that would be sexist–as they told me over at Balloon Juice the other day when I commented that the reason conservative men are for her is because they–keep this on the downlow, OK?–want to fuck her.)

Which leads us to Thursday. Remember Thursday? It was just three days ago. There’s only been Friday, Saturday, and Sunday since Thursday. Again, a lifetime. And why a lifetime in 72 hours? Why does that debate seem like it happened when I was in 10th grade?

Because for the last three days I’VE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP MY HEAD FROM EXPLODING WHILE EVERYONE GOES ON AND ON ABOUT HOW SARAH FUCKING PALIN EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS!

She EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS! Holy shit–did you hear?–SHE EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS!

Has nobody seen any of the movies? Election? Legally Blonde? Miss Congeniality? La Femme Nikita?

OF COURSE SHE FUCKING EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS!

Did anyone seriously think she was going to be as bad as she was with Katie? Really? Come on, Katie has superpowers. She’s the Redeemer. Gwen Ifill, she’s some lady who we used to think was going to sit in Tim Russert’s chair of fucking gold. (More on that guy later–how could he be gone, leaving us alone with  Tom Brokaw’s and his last stand against the barbarians at the gate–if I didn’t like the guy and think it really in poor taste to bad mouth the deceased I would CURSE HIS NAME FOR LEAVING ME WITH TOM BROKAW AS THE SUPPOSED FUCKING GROWN UP AT NBC–Tom’s as pissed as Grandpa McAngrypants, in a South Dakota detatched broadcaster kind of way!)*

And now we’re in hour 70 of Operation Exceeding Expectations and it looks like

a) McCain is morphing into a silver back gorilla:

b) The National Review is morphing into a porn site:

and c) Little Miss Double EE is winking her way into a tie with Joseph McCarthy for most damaging demagogue in American history.

Some great clips that have kept me amused as I’ve sniffled and napped through the last three days in the Land of Counterpane to come. Plus, I think I’ve mastered spacetime. And a little something about Jesus. So, yeah, even though I haven’t been (hate to use it as a verb) blogging, I’ve been blogging.

*Maybe not more later.