The Familiar Stranger arrives in town. At first, no one really notices him because they think they’ve seen him around.

[We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog for this ESB News Update:]

Joe Biden is on Twitter.

Repeat. Joe Biden is on Twitter.

[We now return to our regularly scheduled blog, currently in progress.]

Then the people start turning their heads as he passes by on the street. Is it the blazer with the natty pocket square? The jaunty step? As they go about their business, they see their friends, their neighbors gathering around him, nodding, then laughing, then clapping.

He shows up at the labor gatherings.

He shows up at the hall of fame.

And today, he shows up at the ladies gatherings:

He also mentioned the likely impact a president would have on the Supreme Court, with as many as four justices possibly being replaced, ones Biden said would likely be those “who have been the last bulwark against the onslaught of women’s rights.”

“What do John and Sarah Palin say? They say that they want to appoint more Scalias, more Roberts, more Alitos,” Biden said. “These are decent, bright guys, but they are dead, dead, dead wrong. And ladies, once they are on the court, they will be there long after, long after the next president is gone.”[Emphasis added.]

And now my hometown paper answers my schoolgirl crush prayers with this Tiger Beat of an article on the top of the website:

Meanwhile, the Other No. 2 Keeps On Punching

Let’s see how the article begins:

FLAT ROCK, Mich. — As the economy reels, Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. — the Other Running Mate — has been absolutely butchering Senator John McCain across the Rust Belt this week. It is not clear who has noticed.

WTF!

Who’s noticed? Who’s noticed! Well, New York Fucking Times, I have an answer for you. I’ve noticed. Prematurely Grey has noticed. I’ve been drooling over You Tube clips of this guy all week. I’ve been cruising Daily Kos, just hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I’ve been emailing my friends, trying to get them to want to sleep with him.

And you know who else noticed? You did. Yes, you, fucking hypocritical New York Times. Acting so clever with you little lede? Who’s noticing?

Hey, wait. Are you trying to change the subject here? Are you picking up the remote for all those New York Times readers (the ones who just drool over the paper on Saturday)? Are you going to put that picture of Joe raising a fist, like maybe he’s going to violate the law he stakes his reputation as a senator on and give Sarah Palin a beat down if she comes anywhere near this crowd, Joe’s crowd, on the front page tomorrow morning?*

To hell with Holy Rosary v. St Elizabeth’s in 1951. I guess the Familiar Stranger heard his father’s words once again this week. Joey, if nothing’s broken son, get up.

*Hey, it looks like this guy beat me to the punch…

Plus, there’s video of Joe at the Pro Football Hall of Fame!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am telling you; this guy is the real deal. Come on, hockey? Seriously?

If nothing’s broken, get up.

Joe Biden is so awesome, just reading what he said yesterday makes me want to tell all seven of my faithful readers about him. For example:

“John McCain says he wants to spend another $130 billion this year to give tax breaks to people whose income is over $250,000,” Biden explained. “Now look — these are patriotic Americans, they’re not bad guys… But ladies and gentlemen, we want to take that $130 billion and give it to people making under $150,000 as families, people who are making 40 and 50 and 60 and 80 and 100 thousand dollars who are struggling just to keep their kid in college, struggling just to stay in their home, struggling just to pay the bills.” [emphasis added]

But wait, there’s more!

He said this at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. The second I saw, “Canton, Ohio” in the link from MSNBC’s First Read, well, you knew it was going to be good. But great? Come on, Joe. You’re shitting me. You were a halfback?

Fanfuckingtastic!

Some of you may have already heard about my new proactive strategy to help get Obama elected by pimping Joe Biden. Ladies (sorry, this isn’t directed to you gentlemen), Joe Biden is the kind of guy you totally would have slept with. Period. Paragraph.

Think I’m exaggerating? Try this on:

Before the event, Biden toured the Hall of Fame, broadly grinning as he walked around the various exhibits. He did get emotional at one, however — a booth displaying the Purple Heart of former Pittsburgh Steeler Rocky Bleier, a Vietnam war veteran. In 1972, Bleier had visited the hospital room where Biden’s sons, Beau and Hunter, were recovering from injuries sustained in the car crash that killed his first wife and infant daughter. Biden later told the crowd that Bleier was “one of my great heroes.” And he also said he had hoped to come to the hall under different circumstances.

“I was hoping to be doing this as an inductee,” he said. “When I realized I couldn’t do it, I decided I might as well run for vice president.”

OMG! He’s sensitive! He has a tragic history! He’s funny! He’s the hero in a Judy Blume novel!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hero. The Familiar Stranger is here to stay! All My (Grand)Children is turning into an episode of Law and Order, anyway. Who gives a shit if creepy Todd will testify or not?